Puerto Rico cont'd: El Yunque and La Cueva Ventana

Hello from Old San Juan, Puerto Rico! I am writing this slightly hungover. I can now say I've had rum in the world's rum capitol, and I never have to do it again. Drink rum, that is. I had one rum. Oh, head.

When Seth and I left Vieques (the tiny island off the cost, check out the post on that), we took the ferry back to Fajardo, the harbor town and portal to Vieques. When we got off the boat, we decided not to take a cab – we were done with cabs – and follow Google maps' directions on how to get to Enterprise Rent-A-Car. Imagine our surprise when, after 35 minutes of walking confidently with a 35lb. suitcase under the Caribbean sun, answering concerned-looking passersby who asked, “Are you lost?” with “No! We're great! We're following Google Maps!” several times, we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere on a hill. I'm thinking Google maps took us to the P.O. Box, or something. A mailman and a dude with an SUV simultaneously tried to save us, causing greater confusion (Puerto Ricans are so friendly!). The man in the SUV, with some room in the back seat, drove us to a hotel called “El Conquistador.” Dropping us off at the guard house, he assured us that Enterprise would be there. While he was correct, it was the wrong Enterprise and after about 45 minutes of further confusion spent with a rather peeved security guard, we eventually were picked up by Enterprise and driven to the top of a golf course. El Conquistador turned out to be an all-inclusive resort on top of a mountain complete with about 14 pools and cable cars that take you down to the beach. For those interested in traveling to Puerto Rico but NOT interested in the way Seth and I travel, here's a picture.

El Conquistador Resort and Spa! #notinourpricerange

Anywho, by 3PM we had our car and hopped on the road to look for the Cuban restaurant I had found on Google Maps (because I have no memory). It turned out to be nicer than we were dressed for, but we gladly went in and ate whatever we could get our hands on. Seth accidentally ordered 24 ribs (and ate every single one), and I got something called “mofongo,” which is a Puerto Rican and not Cuban specialty of mashed plantains in a pile. Mine came with mariscos (seafood), which included octopus, shrimp, scallops and possibly fish. As with most things in Puerto Rico, it was more expensive than we had hoped. But delicious. This is definitely the Caribbean – you get Caribbean culture, sun, beaches, food AND mosquitos, but unfortunately, at American prices. After touring around Southeast Asia and eating $5 lobster on the beach cooked right in front of me, I have to say I'm a little spoiled.

We arrived in San Juan to our first Air BnB, which was a little studio apartment in a neighborhood called Ocean Park. The beach at Ocean Park is directly across the street from an active soccer field surrounded by a track. I'd like to take a brief pause to mention that even though it's hot and humid, Puerto Ricans seem to be all about some outdoors. We haven't seen a park or a playground that didn't have a healthy sprinkling of families and friends enjoying their time together. I love seeing that -- it gives me hope for humanity! Anyway, the beach is more popular with locals but there were a few tourists there, too, spottable by their white bodies and loud American accents. We had direct access to the beach via a 30 second walk, which was just as gorgeous as the other beaches we'd seen up to that point. We spent the afternoon enjoying the beach and subsequently rubbing aloe all over Seth's back. In the evening we went to a bar called "Mango's," with live music and good sangria. 

The next day, awoken by direct sunlight to my face at 6AM, I thought, Puerto Rico should really be on another time zone. Then I dragged Seth out of bed to beat the traffic and drive us to El Yunque National Park at 7:30 (he really does love me). We picked up some Cliff bars and drove up the windy rainforest roads to the middle of the park, which turned out to be awesome because we were hiking to the summit and basically were almost there when we arrived at Palo Calorado Information Center by 8:45, 15 minutes before it opened. That turned out to be a good move, because we pattered around and walked the wrong way and back until 9 when the man working there, surprised to see us, explained the map he handed us and sent us on our way in the right direction. The hike took about 3.5 hours, with lots of lizards and amazing views at the top. Once we got out of the clouds, that is. 

In the evening we had a SIRLOIN STEAK SANDWICH for dinner at a place called Piola Pizzeria Artesanal & Rum Bar. There was egg on it. We were so distracted by the egg on a sandwich with garlic sauce and olive oil that we forgot to try the rum (like I said, that didn't happen till last night). 

The next day we wanted to go see the La Cueva Ventana, a.k.a. the Window Cave! Again I dragged Seth out of bed early, but when we got in the car, Google Maps informed us that it would be closed upon our arrival because it didn't open until 10. So we thought we'd check out the Arecibo Lighthouse and historical park, about 20 minutes away from the Window Cave. When we got there, we realized: it was a children's park! Complete with fake pirates, a tiny aquarium, a REALLY sad little zoo, and water park to cover all their bases. I guess that's why we paid $12 per adult and $5 for parking, but the main attraction we were there to see, the lighthouse, was not accessible to the public so as to preserve the archaeological significance of it. Yeah, don't go to Arecibo lighthouse. Stop anywhere along the coast for free and get a nice view, sparing yourself of the depressed donkey in his pen. However, we DID learn about the Taínos, the indigenous people of Cuba and Puerto Rico that the Spaniards wiped out with smallpox within a century or two. There are no full-blooded Taínos left. Colonization! 

Seth on a 1/3 scale model of "La Niña" (not pictured: La Pinta and La Santa María).
To the left of the golf cart is a model of a Taíno village.

the forbidden, 100-year-old "historical" lighthouse

After an hour of mixed emotions, it was time for the Cueva Ventana to open (at 10) so we drove over. There, we took a guided tour with a group of about 30 people. The guide was very knowledgeable about the flora and fauna of Puerto Rico, and told us about the coquí, the local frog. We heard it the whole 3 hours we had spent the previous day in El Yunque, thinking it was a bird the entire time. Seth kept whistling back, and I even commented, "that's a very social bird." Here's a video of what it sounds like, so you don't think I'm insane:

Inside the window cave we saw bats. Our kind, soft-spoken guide explained about 5 times not to shine our flashlights at the ceiling, since it could give the bats a heart attack and they could fall and die. Our group was full of dumbs who couldn't follow directions, but luckily no bats were harmed (as far as we know). Finally, we got to the main attraction. The view from the window cave explains its name. 

Beautiful.

On the way back to San Juan we were hangry and stopped by a place called Costa Azul in BFE Puerto Rico (a little town called Tierras Nuevas Poniente) that we found on Google Maps. We had a typical Puerto Rican dish called "asopao," mine with shrimp and Seth's with chicken. It. Was. Magical. We had amarillos on the side, or fried sweet plantains, along with a couple beers. And Seth forgave me for starving him again, dragging him to the ends of the earth for things we found on Google. With full bellies, we made our way to one of the prettiest beaches I've ever seen.

We made our way back to Ocean Park for our last easy night in the barrio before we headed to the historical part of the city. More to come on that in a few days!

Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure I already have Zika. The mosquitos here are all about some Patrice.

Vieques!

We're taking 8 days out of it to abandon all responsibility (with a serious case of #catownerguilt) and hang out in Puerto Rico. So far it's been … um, worth it. Also, this blog will likely gather dust for another year or so … unless we drunkenly buy flights to an exotic paradise again before I finish my MBA.

Vieques!

So our first stop is Vieques, a.k.a. Island Bum Central. Monday we arrived in San Juan, then took a very expensive cab for an hour to Fajardo, a city on the coast. From Fajardo we took a ferry to Vieques. It's a small island off the coast of PR, but it's bigger than it looks: most people rent a jeep to get around. Stubbornly, Seth and I refused to spend $60 per day on transportation when we already had cool things scheduled, so we succumbed to more extortion. It took about 15 minutes to take a cab from the ferry terminal to Esperanza, a little barrio in the south with a single convenience store and about 6 restaurants, but good access to beaches. That's where our hostel was. Upon telling our cab driver we were staying at “Lazy Jack's Hostel,” he said, “Oh! Party central!” and we thought, “oh my – we have plans!” (because we're old now) and then we arrived and realized it was a very relative term. With signs in the shared bathrooms reminding you to save electricity (“How would you like it if somebody turned YOU on and then left?"), a kitchen with a very slow coffee maker, and a bar outside, it was just where the young people hang out. There are about 20 young people there on any given evening who like to have some booze and pizza, and it's open late. Oh yeah, and they're all the same people. I'm pretty sure there are about 50 people in Vieques. Yesterday, we went scuba diving and saw the same couple who went diving with us THREE TIMES after our tour. It eventually got awkward. If we end up seeing them in San Juan later, we've decided to just turn around and abort any activity we had planned.

Esperanza!

It's been said that Vieques is a good representation of what the Caribbean looked like about 30-40 years ago. There are a lot of transplants here (we've met a few U.S. nationals who moved after visiting the place from childhood), but many were also born and raised. Casually, there are an estimated 200,000 horses on the island, along with their accompanying piles of manure; some of them are branded but most are wild. They like to have fun – they're known to frequent Lazy Jack's on the weekend and drink the beer out of the garbage. And they get stumbling drunk. Otherwise, about 1/3 of the island is reserved as a national park, and most of it is natural growth, too – a great place for wild horses to roam around. There are mango trees all over the place, and yesterday I learned that mangoes do not fall gracefully when they are ripe. In fact, it's probably wise not to hang around under a ripe mango tree. Mangoes are heavy fruit, and they fall that way: with a loud thump, usually splitting open a little at the bottom so the horses and bugs can get to them. Seth picked up a fat, red, juicy one outside Lazy Jack's on Tuesday morning and ate it for breakfast.

FREE MANGOES IF YOU CAN MAKE IT

After consuming some mango and finally some coffee, we took another expensive cab to meet Arnaud for a scuba session. First was a 3-hour refresher course/dive, because of the high possibility of death that comes with Self-ContainedUnderwaterBreathingApparatuses if you don't know what you're doing and get excited underwater. The location was pretty original: in the 30s, the U.S. Navy wanted to build a 6-mile bridge from Vieques to Puerto Rico, and got about half a mile out before they stopped, LIKE QUITTERS. Also Pearl Harbor happened so their efforts were needed elsewhere. But that turned out to be a blessing for divers: the pillars from the bridge have become overgrown with coral reefs and algae, and it's a perfect place for... SEA TURTLES. Yes. We swam with sea turtles. At first I was sure it wouldn't happen, because our dive master Arnaud (a French sommelier, no big deal) told us that he had done the dive at last 1500 times, and had never not seen a turtle, so he could probably guarantee it. That's a sure-fire way to jinx it, but nonetheless we saw 4 or 5 sea turtles, one about half the size of Seth (so 3-4 feet). Arnaud the dive master/sommelier/casual professional photographer/restaurant owner told us he had seen one almost the size of his respectably-sized pickup truck – a leatherback, but they hang out deeper than we go, which is a max of 60 feet with our current certifications. We just saw some very technically named “green sea turtles,” although one of them was yellow with black spots? And we swooned. We also saw eel, cuttlefish, and other fish. It was le'badass.

Seth and pillars

the elusive "green sea turtle"

me

In the afternoon we ate our weight in island food and drink, before the BIO(luminescent)BAY TOUR. I have zero pictures of it. Even if my gopro hadn't mysteriously died halfway through the day (I know why – I left the wifi on) and I'd been able to try to capture it, you need a special camera anyway and apparently the gopro isn't “special enough.” But here I go, I'll try to explain it to you in great detail.

We took a price-gauging cab to Sun Bay, where our super fun van driver Pepe asked us if we were READY TO RUMBLE. We replied that we were, indeed, ready, ahem, to, um, rumble, and he loaded us into a van with eight other excited tourists who appeared more ready than we were for said rumbling. We then took an extremely bumpy ride down a dirt road to the aptly-named “Mosquito Bay” (actually named after a pirate ship conveniently called “el Mosquito”) and got in 2-person kayaks under a clear sky with an amazing view of the stars. Emilio, our guide on his own kayak, enthusiastically led the 5-boat group (some could kayak, some could not) out to the middle of the lake. It didn't take long to start seeing the glowing algae. As soon as you, your boat, or your paddle touches the water, the water lights up in a fiery blue. The algae is a kind of dinoflagellum, and uses the same chemical as fireflies to light up in the dark, possibly for evolutionary purposes. The environment can't be replicated anywhere else at this magnitude – the Vieques Biobay has consistently been in the Guinness Book of World Records for the highest concentration of these microorganisms per gallon of water. You're not allowed to swim in the water, as the chemicals we wear on our skin are harmful to the bacteria, but we were welcome to stick our hands in the Avatar water and watch it light up as we swished around. We also grabbed a handful of water and let it run down our arms, and saw little lights run down our arm. It's not uncommon to see fish, small sharks and stingrays illuminate as they dash around under the boats. Emilio pointed out Scorpio in the sky to us, and a few other constellations with his super strong laser pointer. We crashed after the tour – from the turtles to the stars to the fire water, we had some REM processing to do.

In the morning we took a brief visit to Coconut beach before grabbing a taxi back to the ferry terminal. Following vague instructions from the small child who worked at the reception of Lazy Jack's (OK maybe she was 18), we walked through a blue gate and down a path, eventually finding ourselves at a secluded beach lined with coconut trees and brimming with crystal clear blue waters. Seth rested his sunburnt body in the shade while I walked the waterline. I think I found some kind of dead sea urchin. Yeah. It was a good day.

Coconut Beach from above!

urchin? anybody?

And that's it! We're off to Ocean Park, a small neighborhood of San Juan. We will be renting a car in Fajardo!

PEACE

NEXT: El Yunque and La Cueva Ventana, and a few other shenanigans sprinkled in there